Missing you.... / BRENDA SCHLOSS (Mother) As time goes by without you here life has become an endless cycle of missing you. I miss things about you that sometimes make me smile...I miss your smile when you were up to something, I miss the look on your face when you would hear a song that reminded you of someone or something in our lives. I miss the look of love on your face when you looked at your nieces and nephew. There are so many times I miss you that make me sad, so sad I feel like I may not survive the loss of you. But I do, I have for 9 years now, I have survived because I know you would want me to, I survive for all of the people that we both love so deeply that do not deserve to go through all of the hurt that they have already.
I feel cheated by the loss of you, cheated out of watching your grow into the man you would have become, cheated out of the joy of watching become a father, cheated out of watching you celebrate so many more birthdays and family celebrations. I watch your friends and people your age and their lives from the sidelines and long to see you accomplish and enjoy all the things that they have. There is a part of that process that comforts me but the flip side is sometimes more than I think I can bear. I don't have the answers of why God called you home and I won't ever know until I get there myself. I just have to believe and have faith that he has a good reason that I cannot comprehend here on earth. As much as it hurts that you are not here and we missed so much life with you I am happy for you, that you are in a better place walking on streets of gold.
Until we are together again my sweet boy I will hold you in my heart. I will continue to love and miss you until I take my last breath and I get to see your face again.
FOR YOU AND YOUR SON JAKE! / MARIA
7 years ago / Momma Schloss (Mother) Today....7 years ago it was Mother's Day. Jake had only been gone 6 weeks. I spent that morning at the computer creating him a memorial page, loading pictures, putting information about his/our lives on there to share with our friends, family and the occasional visitor passing through. This morning when I looked.....his page on that website has 98,111 visitors. Thank you to everyone who visits, lights a candle or leaves a message. You have no idea how much it means to me and my children. Mother's Days are a double edge sword for me....I am so blessed to have a beautiful family. My kids and grandbabies are my world!!! But there is a hurt and emptiness that is forever present that still....after 7 years feels so raw and new and at times completely consumes me. I am not the same person, I don't even know how to be or who she was......We will all be together again one day and we will be so happy and whole that the time apart won't matter any more. God Bless all our Mother's and thank God for all of my blessings and my family that keep us going!!
REMEMBERING...../ Brenda Schloss (Mother) Remembering...
Go ahead and mention my Child,
The one that died you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that I try to
I'm hurt when you just keep silent pretending he didn't
I'd rather you mention my Child knowing that he has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing, I say "pretty good" or "fine"
but healing is something ongoing. I feel it will take a lifetime.
#21 again and again..... / Brenda Schloss (Mother) My dad passed away just recently. As we are all standing in the hospital room with him spending what would be his last moments on earth I realize.....the day is Juni 21st. This is the day he will get to see his grandson again.
It is amazing how much this number pops up in our lives. I take it as a sign that Jake is letting us know he is watching over us daily.
Kynzee went to get her tonsils and adenoids out a few weeks ago they give you a beeper like they use in restaurants the number on the beeper is 21. Chad Kayla and I just look at one another in awwww. Yes Jake is here watching over his beautiful little niece.
This week Tyler was in a car accident. We are at the ER and as the young man who was Tyler's nurse leads me as I push his wheelchair down the hall we come to a door. He says he will be in room 21....right here. Tyler and a look at one another and with out saying a word we both just know.....Jake is here watching over his little brother.
Each one of our family carry a part of Jake within us for some it is a resemblance or a trait for others it may be a special memory. We hold on to him memory to get us through the tough times and we tell stories of him often that make us laugh.
Jake's birthday is coming and we are all a little more heavy hearted know he will not be here for us to celebrate it with him. We will do something special and each share a memory of him with one another as we make it through another year without him.
I have the greatest family a mom could hope for we are all so close and love one another beyond measure. We have gone through a lot of changes and hurts since Jake passed away and I believe it makes us closer and stronger.
On Oktober 9th stop by this site and light a candle in memory of Jake or post a memory that your would like to share with us. We have to keep his memory alive it is imperative to our survival. Pray for us all.
.........Everyday/ Mom (Mother) I look at how many hits this website has and it makes me know just how much Jake is loved. It tells me that he is not forgotten and his friends and family will never forget the young man who was taken way too soon.
I see young men who has the same walk as him and I stand and watch until he is out of sight. I see a black Jeep or someone of his stature and for a moment I pause knowing it isn't him but wishing it could be. The young man who hands me my change at a restaurant whose hands remind me of Jake's and a rush runs through my heart.
I look at this sight at least once everyday to look at some pictures and see if there are any new messages. It is the link to a tribute to his life and the impact he had on all of ours. It is obvious he is being remembered and as his mother you will never know how important that is to me.
Jake Chad and Tyler look so much alike each with their own personality and individuality in so many ways. Their love of playing music listening to music family video games and sense of humor is a bond that is ever present even with Jake not here. So many times families are torn apart by such a tragedy. It is hard for people to understand one anothers individual grief when someone they loved so much is gone. Our lives will never be the same and we are still holding on to our closeness and trying to support one another everyday day.
I would like to tell all who read this hug your children hold them close every chance you get and tell them how much you love them and how important they are to you and everyone else who cares about them. You never know what tomorrow holds. I never believed for one minute that I wasn't going to bring Jake home from the hospital that day. It never occurred to me that those last 24 hours of his life was our opportunity to say goodbye until the Dr. met me in the hallway and gave me the heartbreaking facts. I thank God we had that time to say goodbye I know there are lots of families to do not have that chance.
Jake made me laugh teased me about the silliest things made me cry made me worry made me mad sometimes and I miss every one of those things. I would give anything to be able to share any of those emotions with him again. My children are my world. Now my world has an enormous hole in it. I am not the same because of it and sometimes it's hard to remember who I was before all of this happened. I take it one day at a time and keep working and spending time with my kids and grandkids trying to stay busy so grief doesn't consume me completely.
Our prayers and knowing that I will see him again one day and he is never really gone because of all of the memories we share helps. Having such a wonderful family and all of my precious grandkids keep me going. Pray for us all Momma Brenda
Time/ Momma (Mother)
Jake has been gone 2 years 4 monts and 19 days. It seems like yesterday and a hundred years all at the same time. The hurt feels like it all happened yesterday but it seems like forever since I got to hug his neck kiss his face see him smile hear that unique laugh that was all his own or just spend time talking with him.
Time has a way of making your remember things that somehow have gotten lost in the chaos and grief of life. Things that at the time seem so unimportant things that may have bugged you both serious and silly things that now you wouldn't change if you could.
Jake loved chocolate mik always. If we didn't have any chocolate syrup a gallon of milk would last a week. If we had chocolate syrup a gallon of milk wouldn't last a day. Every time he made it he somehow managed to drip chocolate syrup somewhere in the fridge. It drove me bananas. Now I would give anything to have chocolate milk dripped in there. I would clean it up forever and never say a word because it would mean that he was still here.
Jake was sort of shy and quiet (could be because Ty never took a breath) when he was younger. He had such a sweet spirit about him. He could melt your heart with a look. He was still a little mischevious at times. I remember when he put a peanut butter sandwich in the VCR it fit perfectly it was the eject that got a little tricky. I remember when he would watch the same video over and over saying "B-wind it mommy".
We lived in the country for quiet awhile and they entertained themselves. Chad would get them dressed up like cowboys and they would panamime Garth Brooks and Bocefus songs and Chad would video them. There were times when Jake Ty Rae Lynn and Chris Weeks would creat a skit practice and practice and then we all go to come and watch it while Chad would video it. You would be surprised who good they were at creating and remembering their lines. I still have all of those videos and there will be a day that we start watching them at family dinners.
I credit those kids knowing how to do all of that to them doing it at church all of the time. I wish I had all of those videos. I wish I would have taken more pictures.
Jake had so many friends everyone loved him because he was so fun to be around. He was loyal to his friends even the ones who weren't loyal to him. He never gave up on people and tried to help everyone he could. There are guys in Paducah that he made friends with who weren't raised in church and didn't know anything about the bible faith or Jesus. Jake talked to them about it he gave on of them a bible explained faith and how it works to him so sincerely. I knew a little about this but that man came to me and told me all of this once Jake was gone. With tears running down his face he told me the things Jake had taught him during their friendship. It gave me a sense of pride having raised them in church so he could have that knowledge and faith to share with people who have no idea. Jake wasn't perfect but his heart was right and he loved the lord and talked about it alot.
Time keeps going without Jake here we know he is with us in our hearts through our memories. When I see a young man around Jake's age who favors him or walks like him I just watch until they are out of sight. There is a yearning and longing inside of me that nothing can fill. I still cannot comprehend the fact that my child is gone. He is my first thought in the morning and my last thought before I close my eyes. You need to tell your family that you love them everyday and appreciate your life with them because it can all change with just one breath and we are never the same.
Thank you to all of our family and friends who share stories about Jake. Thank you to all who pray for us. Thank you to our family who come all the way to Paducah to spend the very difficult times of year with us. We love you all!
Memories/ Brenda (Mom) It's March 7th and it's snowing like crazy outside, I am home alone, just thinking and remembering when all 4 of the kids were young and it would snow. We had a blast. Janet, Angie and Kim would come over to our house and the kids would all play in the snow. My dryer would run all day drying gloves, hats and socks. I would make the kids hot chocolate. There was a place at home called Logan Hill and we would take the kids up there with sleds and let them slide down. I remember one time my Mom (Grandma Evie) took Jake and Rae Lynn to Logan Hill and sat in the car for a long time while they slid down and walked back up the hill. Finally she was ready to go home and she got out of the car and hollered for them while they were at the top. She said, "slide down one more time and then we are going home". Well, they slid down, but after that they didn't come all the back up the hill until she got out of the car and threatened them. We laughed about that a million times. Jake and Rae Lynn together we so close, and the were dandy's together when they were young, and they knew how to push all of Grandma's buttons. Then there was the snow mobile Janet and Alan bought. There is not a big demand for snow mobiles in Southern IL because you rarely get to use them. The kids had a blast with it because it finally came a big enough snow they could ride it everywhere. For three days we all stayed up at Mom & Dad's (Grandma Evie & Grandpa Jack's) and the kids rode the snowmobile from daylight till dark. Then the snow started to melt and we all went back to our own homes, leaving the snowmobile parked in Mom and Dad's front yard. Well, once the snow is all gone you really can't ride it anywhere, so it stayed there until sometime at the end of summer when Alan finally figured out someone to get it back to his house. The kids have told the story about that winter a million times. It's wonderful to have memories that make you smile. You never know how important they are until you have to draw strength from them to get through each day. I miss Jake saying "Hey mom remember when we......" and he would talk about something we all did or somewhere we all went and just laugh.....making all of us laugh with him. He had such a deep love for all of us and for his friends.....and we all loved him just as much as he loved us. I still can't believe that he's gone, I am not sure I ever will.
The holidays / MOM The holidays are fast approaching us and I wonder how we will get through them this year. We all miss Jake so much just on regular days that it's hard to breath. I want to scream until there is no scream left in me, but I know it won't help. I just miss my son, everything about him, every minute of my life. Jake loved the holidays so much, especially Christmas. He always wanted to help decorate the house. Last Christmas him, Jeff and Steve put lights on the front of our house, which is an A-frame, Not an easy task, but he loved it. After they were up and turned on he got into his car and drove up the road so he could see what they looked like when people drove by. He was so funny when it came to his Christmas gifts, with his boyish charm he would always try to find out what he was getting from everyone. He had always been that way, I think he got that from watching his sister Denice do the same thing, every year. When Christmas came they didn't have to many surprises, they had wiggled it out of one of us or peaked and shook the present under the tree. We had a great Christmas last year, everyone was there even both sets of grandparents, that hadn't happened in years, ironic, don't ya think. I wonder how it would have been had we known it was our last Christmas with Jake. Everyone stays all night with me on Christmas eve eve, we all play games and hang out together, then we open presents and have breakfast together on Christmas Eve morning. It's weird how the family rituals that always meant to much to us are a sort of dreaded event this year because part of us is missing. If he were here with us this year I think he would have loved it even more that years before, the kids are a year older and so much fun. Kayleb and Kynzee are 2 years old now (need I say more). Dane Jacob will be 1 year old the 29th of Dec. and he is walking and in to everything, I look for him to climb the Christmas tree this year. Drake is 6 and the video came king, that would have been ready to challenge Jake. Will (6) and Anna (5) will be excited to be home for Christmas, they called Jake- cheezy-poof :) and he loved to tease them and make them laugh, and then there is Sydney, whom he called Princess. All these kids were Jake pride & joy, it's overwhelms me that he won't be there to see the excitement on their faces on Christmas Eve morning. I know the holiday season is going to be very hard for us, especially this one. Pray for us all, Brenda
Happy Birthday Jake! / Carol Pizzi (Angel Debbie's Mom )
Thinking of you all today / Lea Ann (friend) Just wanted to let you all know what a wonderful loving family you are. It makes me sad to know that I never got to know Jake, but I feel like I do from the wonderful stories you guys share with me about him. The love you all have for him and each other reaches out to me and makes me feel like part of you all. I will be thinking of you all today and sending up prayers. I know that today will be terrible, but I know that you are all there for each other! Happy birthday Jake!!! You have the best family a guy could have asked for!
Happy Birthday Jake. / Beverly Brown (Thomas Allen) (Visitor)
WONDERFUL and SAD! / Tammy Knees (Friend) I just wanted to say what a wonderful time Saturday was. Even though it was an emotional day, it was a day well spent! I have never heard Chad and Tyler play and I was so impressed. My Chad, what a wonderful, wonderful voice you have. More importantly, the strength that this family has is unbelievable. Chad and Tyler: What courage it took to put this on and for the two of you to perform for the reason you did, I can only imagine how hard it was....
Brenda, again, what to say to you? The effort it must have taken to get up there and talk is again, a confirmation of your faith and strength.
As each day passes, the sadness fades a little, but knowing how much Jake would have loved this day, still hurts the heart that he wasn't there in body, but NO DOUBT he was there in spirit!!!!! You could feel it, well, I DID anyway....
I hope that you all find comfort in knowing that Jake will never be forgotten, and Brenda: YOU DID A WONDERFUL JOB WITH YOUR CHILDREN. HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH, because you are a WONDERFUL PERSON....
Comfort to family / Sharleen Hess (passereby) Mommy to duane-mounger.memory-of.com. Comfort to family / Sharlen Hess (passerby) I am so sorry for your loss. I am where you are and it has been since Jan 2007 I lost my 30 year old son to a sudden heart attach. He left a 4 year old girl, 7 year old girl and 10 year old boy. He was the most perfect Dad I have ever seen. Most 30 year old dads do little or nothing for their kids but he did everything. Loved to play with them more than anything. He was the baby of my only 2 boys. My son living is 32. My life is not whole anymore and never will be again. I know I must go on but it is hard. Every day is s struggle to just get out of bed. The hardest thing about death is what is leaves behind as we must live on. I know daily you must cry because I still do. I cried when I read what you wrote about your child. I pray God will allow you to have another to replace the empty void in your life. Please never get too down because we can get too caught up in grief and the ones we still have feel less important and forgotten. Love the ones you have left. If you have to cry, just cry and then go on. I wish I could take away our pain but we must deal with it and go on. Just be thankful for the time you did have him and remember God has a reason for everything. We sometimes do not know what it is until later years but it will be okay and know people are praying for your family. I am so so sorry. I cry tears for your family because I know the feeling. I also ask to wake up from this bad dream but it is not a dream.
Love and prayers always, Sharleen Hess mother to duane-mounger.memory-of.com
THINKING OF YOU TODAY / DIANA SMITH (COUSIN) I WAS THINKING OF ALL OF YOU TODAY. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT TO COME TO. THIS IS SUCH AN HONORABLE WAY TO PAY TRIBUTE TO SUCH A WONDERFUL YOUNG MAN. YOU ARE MAKING HIM PROUD. MAY GOD COMFORT YOU EACH MORNING YOU WAKE UP. MAY THE ANGELS SURROUND YOU AND PROTECT YOU. EVEN WHEN WE SEE NO WAY PLEASE GOD GIVE PEACE TO BRENDA'S MIND TODAY AND LET HER REST. THIS IS MY PRAYER FOR ALL OF YOU. LUV YOU YOUR OKLAHOMA FAMILY
Brenda, Chad, Tyler and Denise / Paige Huff (Cousin) I just wanted to let you guys know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers quite frequently. I would like to plan a trip to come and visit again, though we may not talk and/or see each other much I love you guys. I pray that you find comfort and peace each and everyday.
I CANT EVEN IMAGINE / DIANA SMITH(CROSSNO) (COUSIN) BRENDA, TYLER, CHAD AND DENISE, I CAN NOT EVEN IMAGINE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH BUT ONE THING I KNOW IS THAT JACOB WOULD BE SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU FOR KEEPING HIS MEMORY ALIVE. YOUR FAMILY HAS ALWAYS TOUCHED MY HEART, THE WAY THE KIDS LOVE THIER MOMMA IS SO SPECIAL IN EVERYWAY. THE WAY YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN. YOU ARE SPECIAL BRENDA AND SO ARE YOUR CHILDREN. I JUST REMEMBER THOSE BOYS PULLING UP TO US AT AUNT BECKY'S FUNERAL AND MY HEART EXCITED TO SEE THEM(ALL TOGETHER AS USUAL). JACOB WAS A WONDERFUL MAN AND HE WILL BE MISSED BY EVERYONE THAT EVER KNEW HIM. WHAT A SPECIAL BOY!!!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND I WILL VISIT THIS SITE OFTEN AND WILL POST MESSAGES FOR ALL OF YOU BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING LIKE HAVING A CLOSE FAMILY LIKE YOURS AND ALL OF OUR FAMILY. THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT WE ALL Have a close family. I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND HOPE I WILL GET TO SEE YOU IN THE NEXT MONTH. MISS YOU JACOB, YOUR MOTHER LOVED YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF, WE WERE ALL BLESSED TO HAVE YOU IN OUR LIVES, I HOPE I SEE YOU ONE DAY SO YOU CAN MAKE ME LAUGH LIKE YOU AND YOUR BROTHERS ALWAYS DID! LOVE YOU JACOB DIANA
Thank You / Reitha Holtzman (Aunt) I just wanted to say THANKS to you Jake ! We all miss you with every inch of us and if love and determination could bring you back baby youd be here today! I think often about all the good times we all had together it was and always be a blast at the SCHLOSS ranch! But through this tragedy I have learned how much these kids lives were wrapped up in each other I knew that the bond was special But honestly I think most of the time when bad things happen to good people there is a serios lesson to be learned. And through this tragedy Erik has taken a long look at the road of life he was on and has totaly done a180 degree turn. And I know that JAKE has helped him with that! So with that being said I ThanK You Jake for being YOU , A beautiful person with a heart big enough to bear the weight of the world! I know that you are continually watching over each of us And even though your not here walking with us you are still impacting and changing the hearts of many the way you always have!!!!!!
I am so sorry about the loss or yall's brother Jake, I know it's hard and sometimes unbareable! Almost 4 yrs ago I lost my older brother B.J. and I know how hard it is loosing a brother. The pain you feel is so raw and it cuts deep, deeper than you ever have known before. I want yall to know that my prayers are being sent to you even now in hopes of some comfort and peace. I am truly sorry that yall are having to go through this! Sometimes you force a smile onto your face hoping no one sees just how much you are crying on the inside. May God be with yall and keep watch over yall each and every day! God Bless, many many prayers!!
I owe it all to you / Alex Burton (cousin) When I was younger I used to love to visit the Schloss family. I felt so welcome and at home in their house. And a big part of that was because of Jake. I remember Jake used to treat me just like his little brother and I felt so lucky and privilaged because Jake was such an awesome guy. I always felt that Jake and I had a very special bond and I absolutely loved it. I know for a fact that my sense of humor stemmed from his. I thought he was just the funniest guy in the world and I'd go home and strive to be just as funny as him. I didn't get to see Jake that often, but it was always a blessing when I actually did. I remember one time specifically when Jake, Chris and I got into a debate on who looked older, me or Chris. Jake said I did and he threw in "Hands down more attractive too." I doubt he was being honest, but I'm sure he said it just to lift my spirits. And of course it was of no offense to Chris, because I'm sure he was used to Jake picking on him. He never really picked on me like he did Chris. It was almost like I was Jake's little apprentice. He used to instruct me on the right and wrong way to pick up girls and have me practice the pick up lines he taught me on him. It was hilarious! I don't think I've ever missed anyone as much as I miss Jake. He is one of my major idols and he always has been. I will never forget you Michael Jacob Schloss!